Linguistic Fuckery

So today has started out like most days…me hitting the snooze button and then taking 10 minutes to get up as I creak, crack and groan my way to a vertical position. (It ain’t the age…it’s the mileage.)

I come in and try to start working on more training to get myself to be a useful body. In my memory I hear my first Chief saying,

“You should be qualifying or killing yourself. If you kill yourself, I might get a useful body to replace you!”

Get to work ready to face the day and I try to log into the computer to accomplish the training I need to have done. I don’t have access. 2 weeks at the job and I still don’t have access. (I hear Chief yelling again. “UNFUCK YOURSELF!”)

I email the people in charge and inform them of my issues. They inform me that I should be good to go. (Apparently the civilian definition of “good to go” means something more akin to “fuck your yankee blue jeans fuck boy!”)

Still without access I respond saying that I still am lacking the proper access to star my training proper. Still waiting on that response, but I sure feel like I should have some choice expletives for the said individuals.

Words mean things and sometimes they are different from civilian to military and vice verse. I assume, using amazing powers of deduction and higher level thinking, that when you “onboard” a new employee you should have all their accesses and permissions and “mother may I’s” already completed so people can start. The easiest way to kill motivation and create workplace tension, ESPECIALLY WITH VETS, is to not have shit ready for them to start training and qualifying.

I am here to work and improve things, and I can’t even get the mark 1 mod 0 accesses to do so?!?

You pansy civilians are scratching your balls and asses trying to figure out what in the Sam hill “mark 1 mod 0” means…I hear you. (Never knew ass scratching could be so loud. Maybe you should seek medical attention.). Mark 1 mod 0 means bare bones basic. No frills, no lights or bells or whistles. No you know, and knowing is half the battle.

So I guess I spend the rest of the day “looking busy” which is Latin for daydreaming and searching the internet for something fun. Here’s to hourly pay!